Season 5, Episode 21
The penultimate episode delivered some serious goods. Tonight’s new episode, “Scandal Royale,” brought us the absurdity and convenient plot twists that we have come to know and love…and that will make saying farewell to this show that much more difficult next week.
Gangnam style. OK, that’s not really a fair sub-title of mine for the Naomi storyline, since she must deal with the partying ways of a Japanese Prince Harry, and Gangnum style is Korean. But this is 90210 and we shouldn’t think too much about what is real or makes sense. Yes, Naomi is still obsessed with Jordan and doesn’t understand why he is avoiding her. Shockingly—it only took five seasons—Annie actually puts the pieces together and realizes that Jordan must have broken up with Naomi only because his mother made it her ‘payment’ for getting Mark to go free from his drug charges last week. This makes Naomi more determined than ever since the last time she was determined to get on Sheryl’s good graces so that she can date Jordan. This week, that means coming to the aid of Jordan’s sis Elizabeth, who is having difficulty keeping a very high Japanese prince and his “royal scepter” under wraps in their hotel. Things get worse for the girls when the prince overdoses on pills and has to be removed very publically to get his stomach pumped. Mother Sheryl is none-too-pleased and once again blames Naomi for not having the sense to call her. But then, at a press conference, Naomi takes the full heat as the “drug whore of Beverly Hills” in order to save Elizabeth’s name. Sheryl is rather impressed at Naomi’s guts and determination, but that still doesn’t mean she has the permission to date her son. But Naomi handles it like champ—and shows that even she can put another before herself. She says she simply wants Jordan to be able to live his old life, at his old job that made him happy—and not be at the whim of his mother. Naomi may come to regret this decision before all is said and done, as the paparazzi seem rather obsessed over this stupid story. I guess nothing has happened with Lindsay Lohan in a while.
Time out. Apparently it has been two days since Michaela ran off. Silver and Dixon have been busy pacing and checking their phones. Meanwhile, Navid and Ade have been busy getting busy. When they finally check their messages and get word of the missing momma, they rush to help—and to hilariously admit that they banged in Silver’s bed. When Ade offers to perform in Michaela’s place to help Dixon’s reputation as a manager, Silver immediately calls Ade out on being her old, manipulative and cheating self. Remember high school? Remember Javier? While Silver does raise a good point, I am just so over Silver these days that I don’t think she has the right to trash talk anyone. Unfortunately for Adrianna, Navid does kinda sorta listen to Silver’s remarks a little too closely and he begins to doubt the motives of his on-again-off-again-on-again girlfriend. As time is running out to find Michaela, Teddy arrives in town because Dixon called him. And I continue to be amazed by how quickly these kids jet-set. More on that in a few (ahem, Liam…ahem, Annie). Dixon, Silver and Teddy eventually track Michaela down in a shady bar, which doesn’t seem like a good place for a pregnant girl. But that’s just it: it turns out that at Michaela’s last doctor’s appointment (which she went to alone thanks to Silver and Dixon’s bickering) the doctor found no baby heartbeat. So Michaela ran away to gather her thoughts and emotions. Obviously Silver is devastated, but the news does finally begin to mend the rift between herself and Teddy. He is there is comfort her and apologize for not letting her carry the baby. And she realizes that she has made this baby sabotage every single relationship in her life. Not only does Silver need to deal with the news that she will not be a mother, but her doctor has called her in for further cancer testing. It’s times like this that you wish she had a sister who lived in the main house and who was a guidance counselor. Oh, wait…[Kelly Taylor can you hear us?]
Boy meets world. Annie and Liam are both obsessed with getting a “fresh start” on life. Hmmmm, I am pretty sure most people would trade places to have the wealthy lifestyles you both currently enjoy. Any people who can up and decide to move to opposite sides of the world in a matter of days sure know how to live large. Liam is still convinced that he needs to run away to Australia with his new “love” Sydney, while Annie prepares to embark on a worldwide book tour and end with a permanent stay in Paris. Ummm I thought you were dreading meeting up with dear ole’ mom due to the hooker thing? But the real question I have is how either of them can even pretend to move permanently with one piece of luggage. I digress. It is clear that both Annie and Liam are trying to move on from each other because they still harbor feelings. And the only thing Liam claims is holding him back is selling the bar to Annie so that he can cut all ties with L.A. While Annie agrees to buy it, she clearly wishes things could be different. Liam only begins to realize his feelings after a visit from Mr. Matthews of Boy Meets World, who just so happens to be “Old Salty” (the man Liam bought the bar from a few years back). It seems Old Salty never fully signed off on the paper work. Yeah, I am sure that never came up before during the bar fire or insurance claims or anything. Old Salty reminds Liam of who and what is special in life, just as Liam has rediscovered Annie’s engagement ring in his ‘box o’ crap’ under the bar. Liam and Sydney still stop by the concert with his one duffle bag for Australia in tow—because when moving around the world there is totes time for random music but not enough time to stop by your house for a bag. Liam sets his bag down near the backstage fireworks just so we can definitely know that shit is about to go down. After a brief and awkward exchange with Annie, he and Sydney leave (but forget the bag) and Liam lies that he can’t sell the bar just yet because he couldn’t track down Old Salty.
Fall out. Stories and people collide at the infamous concert where Fall Out Boy performs and the winner of the contest is supposed to sing. If we thought that Liam lugging his bright yellow duffle bag around was absurd, that doesn’t even compare to one of Campbell’s society bros bringing a small camp grill so they could “cook brats”…at an indoor concert? Oh this is gunna be one heck of a fire—fireworks pyrotechnics, a mysterious yellow duffle bag, AND campfire gear! Really writers? Couldn’t you have also shown people walking in playing with matches, and someone spraying heavy aerosol hairspray too? I am surprised that the venue marquee didn’t just say “Deadly fire scheduled for tonight: all idiots welcome!” Just before things go very, very wrong, Dixon and Navid realize that they were way too harsh on Adrianna because she didn’t conspire to steal Michaela’s song—she was the one who wrote Michaela’s song! But as Navid heads toward the stage while Ade sings, and Annie tells her brother, ‘yo bye, I am moving to Paris for good,’ the stage begins to spark and collapse onto itself. CUT TO BLACK.
And so we get our one last true 90210 cliffhanger. Fun challenge for a mega fan: someone should watch both the original Beverly Hills series and this series and count the number of fires these 90210 kids have survived. I did get one nagging cliffhanger resolved: the writers finally reminded me that Liam does still own the bar, despite Navid operating a club in there and Naomi running a restaurant. I guess they were just paying rent to Liam! Ahhh, mystery solved!
And then there was one.