90210 Recap – Misery Loves Company

Season 5, Episode 10
Misery Loves Company

After a long winter hiatus, 90210 returned with a roar tonight in “Misery Loves Company.” It certainly made up for the time off with major drama, twists and, of course, hilarity. Old-timers like me out there may recall that the original Beverly Hills 90210 also had an episode called “Misery Loves Company” in which a defiant Brenda leaves the Walsh home and moves in with Dylan [it is kind of sick that I knew that off the top of my head]. My how times change…the kids in the new 90210 don’t even have parents. Well, actually…speaking of parents…

Dumb and Dumber. Naomi is wallowing over her marital problems while Max takes time away and Ade is bummed over catching Dixon in bed with Megan. What are two angry girls to do but take a liberating road trip like Thelma & Louise?! Well, that’s what Naomi calls their adventure, by I say it is more like Dumb and Dumber. The girls go skinny dipping in a random (safe?) hot springs and return to their car only to find all their expensive clothes missing. Unfortunately for Naomi it also means that her wedding ring—which was stashed in her pocket—is also gone. I would just like to take a moment to point out that Naomi DID have a fine Egyptian cotton towel set in her car, perfect for after an impromptu dip on the roadside. The girls borrow (?) some hippie clothes and head to a biker bar to find their missing stuff. In two sleek moves, they transform their hippie garments into slut-wear…they should patent this maneuver! Naomi doesn’t have much luck getting her ring back, but Ade really scores. Not only does she meet a hot biker named Billy, but her song is inexplicably on the juke box [suddenly their tear-a-way hippie clothes are not the least believable thing in this story]. Ade decides to drive off into the sunset with Billy and brings him to Dixon’s record launch party—a party he is forcing her to be at. Meanwhile, Naomi seems unfazed that her friend has disappeared with a random dude and decides she has her own pit stop to make: a visit to mommy dearest. Raise your hand if you remembered that back in season one Naomi actually did have a mom and dad who divorced? That’s OK—looks like the only thing Mrs. Clarke was up to these past few years was botox. Even though Naomi didn’t invite her mom to any wedding celebrations or thank her for the gift she apparently sent, Naomi now feels like confronting her mom about why she is having marital problems. For whatever convenient reasons, Naomi’s mom happens to have her grandmother’s heirloom ring right in a box in the living room and gives it to her daughter—telling her that she has to decide whether to fight for Max or let him go. Speaking of letting things go, when Dixon sees Ade at his party, he realizes he is done torturing her. That’s because he tells her that he doesn’t want to feel any things for her anymore. Way harsh, Ty.

Dumb and Dumberer. Just when I thought that Naomi and Ade’s adventures would be tough to beat, along came Annie and Vanessa. What do you get when you mix stupidity and crazy, plus another crazy? A whole lot of amazingness! Liam was still being held captive—immediately below the bar in an abandoned store—by his obsessed “protection officer” Ashley. Yes, Ashley is not only a (former) cop, she is also Liam’s biggest fan. It is tough to make Vanessa seem sane, but this pretty much does it. In fact, Vanessa doles out some of the best zingers tonight as she and Annie track down the clues to find Liam. First, Vanessa easily figures out that Ashley was not assigned by the studio to protect Liam. Then, upon finding Ashley’s creepy stalker wall with de-faced photos she declares, “Who’s the psycho skank now?” And when she accidentally breaks a lamp in Ashley’s apartment while discovering the shipping address of the surveillance items, Vanessa exclaims, “That’s what happens when you de-face my face.” HA. Well, it’s a good thing that Ashley keeps such great receipts—maybe she thought she could write her kidnapping off as a business expense on her taxes—because it allows Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb to track Liam down. However, rather than call the real cops immediately, they decide they are going to take Ashley down first, and THEN call the cops. Um yeah, this is not going to go well. Sorry Liam—you may have to travel to Mexico in that awesome box that Ashley was preparing for you. So how did the girls’ plan turn out? Well, Vanessa did successfully lure Ashley away from Liam, giving Annie time to free him. But then the two crazies get into an all out physical fight that Liam is compelled to stop. As Liam leads Vanessa away—so she can leave before the cops arrive and find TWO crazies to arrest—Ashley grabs her gun. Enter Annie. Ahhhhh, Annie. Of course she would try to wrestle a loaded gun from a crazy woman…and then get herself SHOT.

Look Who’s Talking. Silver is still obsessed with getting preggo with Teddy’s sperm. OK, as anyone who reads my posts knows by now, I am so incredibly irritated by this entire story line this season, so I don’t want to dwell on it much. I just want to ask Silver : since you are not yet impregnated, how about you go with ANOTHER man’s sperm—like an anonymous donor—since it is clear that you and Teddy no longer see eye to eye. And also, where would you even put the baby in that fancy garage? Apparently Dixon is the only one who shares my sentiments, when he flat out tells his pal that she “doesn’t really have a job” and maybe she should not rush into being a mom just because she is afraid of her chances (HA, understatement of the year). Silver actually digs herself into a deeper hole with her would-be baby daddy by going to speak with Teddy’s bigoted uncle. She thought he would convince his nephew to give up his paternal rights, but instead he doesn’t want there to be a baby at all. He is going to get the courts involved to destroy the embryos. Silver won’t let a pesky thing like ‘law’ get in the way, so she decides to forge Teddy’s signature on the paternity forms. Real smart move, Silver.

It has not been a good year for the Wilson siblings health-wise, what with Dixon’s accident and now Annie being shot. I wonder if Mama Wilson will make a return appearance? I mean, I would be bummed if I was Annie and my mom showed up when my bro was in a bad wreck but not when I was shot by a crazy woman. No matter, I am oh-so-excited to experience Annie’s impending struggle for life, which of course will manifest itself as a Wizard of Oz dream. But, alas, I will be traveling next week and not able to post a recap! So I will see you all somewhere over the rainbow!

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