Season 5, Episode 2
The Sea Change
The second episode of 90210’s season five was cryptically called “The Sea Change.” And just as I thought that tonight was lackluster in the drama department compared to last week’s epic premiere, the final few moments not only gave new meaning to the title but also gave us the most soap opera moment in this show’s crazy history (and quite possibly even in the original series’ history). Let’s keep in mind that this is no easy feat since both the old and the new 90210 covered everything from rape, drug addiction, fires and cults (and that’s just Kelly Taylor) to homeless hit-n-runs and swapping a friend’s prescription meds (which was given a nod tonight!). So on with the fun!
Wedding Crashers. Naomi and Max have to face the music from their quickie marriage and deal with lots of last minute curveballs. First, Naomi is prepared to go on a honeymoon with only one suitcase—surely a sign of the apocalypse according to Max—but instead their plans are preempted by bad news from Alec. The tabloids have gone crazy with poor jilted Madison’s story and the Max-Naomi relationship has been branded as whacky. This news has caused a drop in Max and Alec’s business stock. When Naomi tells her gal pals, Ade offers some sage advice and also takes an early win for Best Line of the Night: Ade says she can recommend a great publicist who can gloss over anything, “Like when I practically killed Silver. “ By the way, she is totes sorry about that. But this does give Naomi the idea to throw a completely classy and conservative wedding reception in Malibu to show the press that they have their act together. When she finds out that she can also host the Colton Brothers—super successful game developers who may do business—she thinks this is the perfect opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. Alec lets her go for it, but you just know he has shifted his strategy to tear them apart. The gamer bros are total dudes who Naomi mistakes as wedding crashers and kicks out. She manages to lure them back in with the promise of a kick ass party, and in pure TV magic she manages to get a band in 30 minutes. The gamers love it—and they are oddly obsessed with Liam for a video game—and the deal is done. Now Alec praises Naomi and takes the high road…literally, by flying off with Max to get started on the deal. There goes her honeymoon attempt, part 2.
Maybe feelings are feelings because we can’t control them. Dixon is ready to leave the hospital, and all I can say is “wow, that was FAST.” All Liam and Navid—his best buds—can say is “Oh, tell him I say hi.” Annie is determined to play nurse and mommy all rolled into one since Debbie already flew back to Paris. Gee, thanks for stopping by. I guess the phrase, ‘when the going gets tough, the tough gets going’ is true. And tough it is. It’s no surprise that Dixon really struggles trying to cope with his paralysis and how he can move forward without being a charity case. And his sister Annie’s heart is in the right place, but her obsessive efforts to help only backfire as Dixon takes offense. At physical therapy, another guy named Riley gives Annie a bit of a smack down over how she babies him, and after telling him off Annie discovers that he too is paralyzed. Annie and Riley certainly don’t get off on the right foot, or wheel. Which means I give them about 3 episodes max before they hook up. Meanwhile, Ade is acting all weird because she quickly learns that Taylor is in town for good and helping Navid set up a club. The last thing she wants is Taylor screwing up her relationship with Dixon and she is very level with him about that. Despite her directness, he just doesn’t want to back down until she admits that she felt something for him with they slept together for all of five minutes. According to Taylor, “you can’t just un-feel something.” Hmmm I wonder if he can ‘un-feel’ that slap Ade gave him when he kissed her at the reception.
Let’s Get It On. In the horny department tonight, Silver is ovulating and ready for the turkey baster sperm action at the doctor, but Naomi’s reception cuts into her plans (and the turkey baster comment ruins Thanksgiving for Teddy). It becomes quite obvious that she wouldn’t mind baby-making with Teddy the old fashioned way. Teddy politely brushes off her attempts, but little by little Silver starts to feel more down on herself at the reception when Navid shows up with strippers/hookers/porn stars he met in a club with Taylor and Liam shows up with Vanessa. The final straw is when Teddy flat out says he doesn’t want to sleep with her because, ya know, he is gay. This does lead to a heart-to-heart where they finally confront the fact that Teddy was always gay, yet he dated Silver in high school for a while. He explains that he never lied to her about his love, but he lied to himself about who he was. They make up at Silver’s place, as I wonder where on earth she is going to raise a baby in that garage green house she lives in.
The crazy bitch and the sea. And now for the grand finale we have all been waiting for: the big shocking soap opera cliffhanger ending. And what a literal cliffhanger. As you recall, Vanessa returned to “try” and get back with Liam. The two differ in their definition of try, however, since Liam thinks it means ‘get coffee’ while Vanessa thinks it means ‘live in a super expensive house on the beach together.’ But, Liam is forced to go along with Vanessa’s demands for a while because she has the surveillance footage from the fire that proves Liam did nothing to stop it. If she shows this video to the insurance company, he gets put away for fraud. So despite Liam having the money to buy her out of the movie contract, he now must do whatever Vanessa says for the next month. She wants him to film the movie in LA, live with her, and be a couple in an effort to win him back. She even tells people at the party that they are engaged and the look on Liam’s face is pretty priceless. When they get back to their expensive pad complete with expensive balcony overlooking the rocky shore below, Liam really lets her have it. He calls her out on her craziness and says he would rather go to jail than rot with her in a marriage. Just as he yanks he arm away from her to storm off, the motion causes her to fall backwards and she flips over the railing with a shriek. She lands on the rocks in the shallow waters below and looks pretty darn dead. Meanwhile, I almost died of laughter at this hilarious character demise. And, to make things even more interesting, Liam runs back into the house and dials 911, but when he runs outside again it appears the body has been pulled into the ocean. He tells 911 he “made a mistake” and hangs up. Whether or not she is really dead could come back to haunt Liam. And so could his 911 call. Oopsie. Wow, all these profitable accidents keep piling up on Liam’s watch.
So, what did you think of tonight’s cliffhanger ending? Do you really think Vanessa is gone for good, or will she somehow pop-up with a miraculous recovery months later? And how many times did you rewind and watch Vanessa plummet off the balcony?