Season 5, Episode 1
Til Death Do Us Part
Last season ended with “Forever Hold Your Peace” and tonight we kicked off a brand new season of 90210 right where we left off: “ Til Death Do Us Part.” While my mind is still trying to recall all of the crazy twists from last season [I admit to re-reading my own season finale recap to remind myself] it was pretty easy to dive right back into the crazy world of superstar songstresses, psycho ex-girlfriends, last-minute elopements, new hotties stirring up trouble, and car crash victims. Oh, and let’s not forget a trip to the morgue.
While everyone breathed a massive sigh of relief when Dixon was not actually ID’d in the morgue [more on that in a few], I wish to start this blog by paying our respects to some other dearly departed cast members. Apparently Ivy has flown the coup for good—not that the gang seemed to care at all. Last we saw her she was hopping a plane to Mexico to be with her love—fellow street artist Diego—who was being deported due to his immigration status. According to reports, that will be it for a while. Goodness knows what will befall her in Mexico, but I wish her a fond adios and am sure she will quickly pick up the Spanish words for her key vocabulary: dude, like, surf. We can also say hasta luego to southern charmer Austin, who we briefly glimpsed tonight in Vegas managing Ade’s country music career. I guess he decided that he was not good enough friends with his former roommate to also rush back to Dixon’s side. According to another report, that’s it for Austin for the time being. Happy trails, Austin.
Now on with the recap!
Road to recovery. We hear Obama and Romney talk about the “road to recovery” all the time on the campaign trail this fall. But Dixon now has his own grueling road ahead—and his status is in critical condition as well. Something tells me his recovery will happen a lot faster than America’s. Annie was the unlucky one to call Dixon’s cell phone and have a worker in the county morgue pick up. Talk about a punch in the gut. As the various friends learn the devastating news they rush to support Annie, who must make the ID. There are so many things wrong with this morgue, though. I don’t ever want to learn the gritty details of how they work—and hope I never have to—but I have to hope that they are not this disorganized when life and death hang in the balance. For instance, perhaps the worker could have asked a few basic questions like “what race or ethnicity was your brother?” [I am pretty sure Dixon was the only African American in the car]. That may have saved Teddy from looking at dead bodies, as he graciously offered to undergo the traumatic viewing on behalf of his distraught friend. Or, maybe the morgue worker could have mentioned that there were four people in the car and one person was alive in a hospital! I mean, there was at least a chance Dixon could have been hospital guy! And it turned out he was the lucky one who miraculously survived and was in critical but stable condition. The gang rushed to the hospital and were in for another surprise: Mama Wilson (a.k.a. Debbie/Lori Laughlin/Dixon and Annie’s mom) had jumped on a private plane when she heard the news. It was good to see that these kids had parents again. This ain’t the Walsh family, for sure. I guess the dad who lives in SoCal couldn’t make it, or be mentioned. Was it just me, or did Debbie not seem THAT distraught over her son’s predicament? Annie, on the other hand, actually had one of her finest acting moments on the series to date [well, the bar was pretty low] in showing her fear, worry and love for her brother. Let’s see if Dixon is permanently paralyzed (doubtful)…or if Debbie Wilson skips town soon (likely).
Call Me Maybe Never. For the 2 seconds that Ade is in Vegas about to perform her “hit” country song, she runs smack dab into Ms. Carly Rae Jepsen herself. Guess who is just a HUGE fan of Adrianna Tate Duncan and who happens to know the YouTube one-hit wonder’s song? Apparently Carly! And if that isn’t unbelievable enough, the “Call Me Maybe” songstress is beyond thrilled that Ade is opening for her. Just when I thought this Vegas trip was already beyond-belief ridic, Ade stops for a drink at the bar and picks up a guy faster than I could type in my notes “meets guy at bar.” To her credit, he did use the classic cheesy line, “any guy who would make you wait just isn’t worth it.” Well that is all she needs to run upstairs for some afternoon delight and get Dixon out of her head. She fully admits to using the hot dude, who we later learn is a club promoter named Taylor, before bolting and then rushing back to L.A. after learning the news about Dixon. Congratulations 90210. I don’t think there has ever been a worse character introduction in the history of television. Although, new guy #2 in tonight’s episode is a close second. Which brings me to…
Jailhouse rock. Naomi and Max flee the later’s aborted wedding to Madison and drive off into the sunset in the “Not Just Married” limo. They decide that they needed to take their destiny into their own hands and get a quickie marriage in Nevada. Too bad that Naomi isn’t concerned about the dangers of drinking and driving…or, errr…popping a cork from a champagne bottle in the front seat of a car. They get into an accident that renders the limo useless, which means they have no choice but to hitchhike. And, they don’t think it odd that the driver asks THEM the drive. Turns out the man needs them to drive his getaway car, and they all get arrested for robbery and drugs. Cue absurd new guy intro #2. Back at Naomi’s house, hot nerd Alec Martin arrives to track down his buddy and business partner Max. Why he shows up with Geek Squad bodyguards is beyond me. When the friends tell him Naomi called from jail, he says he will handle it. And handle it he does. This guy is super obsessed with Max to a bizarre extent. He tries to sabotage the situation to get Naomi locked away while freeing Max, but he only drives them closer together. And the judge performs marriage ceremonies! Quickest court date/wedding ceremony ever! This is only the beginning of Alec’s efforts to drive Naomi and Max apart, though. He bluntly tells Naomi that he in no way likes how she has jerked his buddy around in the past. Is that really his true motive? There has got to be more to his back story, and I am sure we will find out.
All fired up. Liam and Navid are still at each other’s throats over who Silver should pick. You would think that with their friend, Dixon, critically injured they would put differences aside, but not so much. Liam also has his hands full with that “crazy lying bitch” Vanessa being back in the picture. Liam either owes her a ton of money that he doesn’t have to break his movie contract or he has to go to Latin America with her to film it. Just when he is considering quickly selling the bar and taking a massive loss, an electrical fire gets out of hand and Liam is the only witness. It is a legit faulty wire, but Liam sees the whole thing and purposely does nothing to stop it because he immediately realizes that he can get insurance money. Once again Vanessa is around to stir more trouble because she overhears Liam discuss the situation on the phone. Oh Liam, you are never going to get rid of this schemer when you act so carelessly. Meanwhile, back in the dangerous fire debris, Navid sees a career opportunity and wants to build a new bar. Good timing, because in walks Ade’s guy from the bar in Vegas, who has magically appeared looking for Ade and is cool just strolling into the wreckage of a fire like it is no biggie.
Sperm and a Christmas card. Silver wins for line of the night when trying to convince Teddy to be her baby daddy. She wants a baby now because she may not be able to have one after the preventative cancer treatments; but she also wants to know she will always be friends with the baby’s dad. She makes it clear that she is not asking Teddy for a full-fledged fatherhood commitment, just “sperm and a card at Christmas.” Teddy eventually agrees because the Dixon incident makes him realize that life is short.
Whew—a lot of stuff went down in this season premiere. What was your favorite part (and by that I mean your favorite ridiculous moment)?