90210 Recap – Season 4, Episode 2
“Rush Hour” was another guilty hour of 90210 television viewing. I learned many valuable lessons, such as: the dangers of dining with a pig; how much money it takes to open a tattoo parlor in New Mexico; that you shouldn’t trust boys without their wallets; and most importantly, that the Jessie Spano Law of Addiction is true with caffeine pills or ADHD medication. So, let’s dive into this episode as quickly as Liam did into a relationship with the widow of his fishing buddy.
- Sister Act: Naomi and Annie decide to pledge the best sorority in all the land, Kappa (read: the bitchiest). Too bad for Naomi, her busted house party somehow—and seriously don’t ask me how because this made no sense—got the entire campus in trouble (huuuh?). Now nobody in all of Mayberry, err, California University, likes her. Naomi thinks her luck has changed when the Kappa president takes her under her wing to complete the pledge “trials.” We’ll look past the fact that this is just so not how sorority rush happens, and instead focus on the absurdity of these trials—from Annie kissing a statue to Naomi having to host a romantic dinner with a pig. This entire storyline was lame until Annie got inducted while Naomi was told that all her pledging was for nothing! The sorority president was just trying to get back at her for purchasing the Kappa dream house. Naomi is livid, and I am excited for the sequel to this ‘sister act’…Sister Act 2: Back at the Kappas, those bitches!
- Little Orphan Annie: Looks like the sun won’t come out tomorrow for poor little Annie, but her own stupidity and gullibility are to blame. Random side note—remember how she killed that homeless man in season one? Anyways, per usual she blabs way too much to her cute coffee boy who she met at that old-school registration process (Did they even really register for classes? Because there has been no evidence that classes even happen at CU). She tells him all about her great friend Marla, who she only knew a matter of weeks, but who was suicidal. So instead of seeking professional help for Marla, Annie just showed her a good time before she killed herself and then got word that Marla left her the estate! As Annie skips merrily to her lawyer’s office to collect her loot, it seemed obvious (to everyone but Annie) that she was about to have her Daddy Warbucks dreams dashed. Sure enough, Jeremy is Marla’s grandson and is now more determined than ever to keep his family money from going to Annie. I guess that’s what she gets for buying his cup of coffee earlier in the episode. And for not better helping Marla. And belatedly for killing a homeless man.
- A Tweet for Help: The uber-obnoxious Leila ran away last week because old-timers Navid and Silver were, like, totally cramping her style. Silver puts her Nancy Drew sleuthing skills to use and quickly sees that Leila has been tweeting “I heart Bieber,” so she must be OK somewhere (I beg to differ, this is clearly a sign of trauma). They eventually get a video text from her, and Leila once again gives Annie a run for her money in the stupidity and bad acting department. In this video message, Leila pretends to be kidnapped and cries out a plea for $50K in ransom. It doesn’t take Silver and Navid too long to track down her whereabouts thanks to Ade figuring it out—it takes a psycho to know a psycho. If I were Navid, I wouldn’t have bothered—the girl has GOT to GO. But, alas, he chases down his sister and discovers she is actually trying to run away with her older boyfriend to open a tattoo parlor in New Mexico. Now the boyfriend wants $75K from Navid to stay away from Leila. I wish Navid had settled for paying $50K and not seeing Leila anymore—we all would have been better off. Anyways, being a good brother and all, he gets the money from his super creepy uncle. I smell some kind of criminal future for poor Navid thanks to ‘owing’ his uncle.
- Two and a Half (Wo)men: Dixon and his new Malibu roomie—cowboy Austin—are having trouble getting rid of their third unwanted roommate…a pathetic Adrianna who doesn’t seem to understand the meaning of a one-night-stand. She begins to overstay her welcome by trying to cook pancakes without any ingredients and purchase furniture. By far the best line of the night and why I have new respect for Austin was when he muttered under his breath, “At least somebody is,” when Ade mentions Dixon is out of the house. Ade finally starts to get the picture and leaves on her own free will, but first she butters up Dixon with compliments in an effort to re-make friends. He takes pity on her and tells her she should get a job at Liam’s new bar. Then, Dixon takes something far more dangerous, and it is not the drug enthusiasm! Dixon has to pull an all-nighter to prepare music for some DJ Juice guy and he can’t cut it. Austin offers him some ADHD pills and, despite rejecting them at first, we all knew Dixon would give in. Which means I have now caught Dixon’s enthusiasm because we have a Jessie Spano-hooked-on-caffeine-pills breakdown headed our way, folks!
- Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name: But they’re not always glad you came (we’re lookin’ at you Ade). Liam is busying himself setting up his new bar…and if you ask me, buying a beach front bar in L.A. for only $25K is the steal of the century. Liam is reluctant to give Adrianna a job because, well, everybody hates her. But then she works her way into his graces by her lecture on facing guilt. You see, this woman Jane has just arrived from Liam’s summer adventures. Apparently, Jane’s husband was killed in a boating accident that was supposed to be Liam’s shift. Honestly—I already lost interest in this storyline and I have no clue why we are supposed to care. Liam was so moved by Ade’s speech that he wasted no time in moving in on Jane. Again…I care because?
And so the beginnings of our season four journey continue, and I am pumped with Dixon’s enthusiasm for next week!