I feel like it has been 9,0210 weeks since the last new episode of 90210. But tonight we got an action-packed return episode entitled “The Enchanted Donkey” and I learned that the fake Mexico sets from the original series when Brenda snuck down to Baja with Dylan remain the same. Yes, the gang headed to Cabo for senior year spring break. The other thing that doesn’t change? Crazy drama and catfights! Welcome back 90210…te quiero!
- Love bites, literally: Annie proves that she can be even more obnoxious in foreign countries than at home in Beverly Hills. Her attempts to speak in Spanish started irritating me before the opening credits stopped rolling. To top it off, for some reason she squealed and clapped like a five year old about everything. Therefore, I laughed—a lot—when a little monkey she tried to take a photo with bit her and she had to get a rabies shot. Liam, who was not digging Annie’s over-scheduled vacation antics, was pretty funny with his one-liners throughout the night (i.e. “is that even sanitary?” regarding a foam party) but then became nauseatingly cutesy by bringing the spring break party into the room for bed-ridden Annie.
- Naomi hits the books and the bedroom: Naomi is still keeping her budding romance with nerdy Max a secret, but she is so into him that she brings him along on spring break with the cool kids by claiming she needs her math tutor. At first, the only thing they seem to learn is how quickly they can hop into bed. I have to admit, I am liking their relationship a lot too! How cute was Max with his sun block on his nose and his Gilligan-like hat? Also, who says, “I have prophylactics!” (Max does, that’s who!). Naomi is impressed with his skills in the bedroom—and surprised to learn what a band geek god he is—but she is more surprised to learn that he genuinely cares for her as a person. Best line by far was Max telling her that he has slept with a fewer number of people than the square root of 64. Cue Naomi’s confusion.
- Teddy gets his game on: Teddy sees soccer boy Marco, but the latter makes it clear he is looking for a relationship, not a hook-up. Teddy just wants to keep things light for a while, and even runs into his first guy crush, Tripp, from boarding school days. When Teddy admits to his former roommate that he is gay, it turns out so is Tripp. The two totally get it on—hard core—but Teddy is then quite surprised to find out the next day that Tripp has a boyfriend in an open relationship. After talking things over with Silver (and I must say I like that these two have a solid close-knit friendship), Teddy realizes that maybe he does want a relationship, with the right guy…a guy who just happens to want a tennis lesson named Marco.
- High on life: In perhaps the most understated yet hilarious scene of the night, Ivy arrives at the private plane that will whisk the gang to Cabo (with a stash of weed in tow). When they remark how cool it is to fly with no security lines, but then quickly learn there will be security on the other end, she quietly excuses herself with an “oh” and moves to the trash can. As you should recall, Ivy has been smoking pot lately while trying to deal with post-traumatic stress disorder and the difficult news that Raj is dying from cancer. In the next best scene, Ivy tries to score weed using primitive Spanish—to a hotel staff person who knows English. Unfortunately for Ivy, she gets some bad drugs and has a bad reaction. Fortunately for Ivy, Dixon is there to help her sober up and the two actually mend their friendship after many months of awkwardness. Ivy also has a rather strong awakening in Mexico when she realizes that she may not have a lot of time with Raj, but she should embrace it. I guess this sets up the upcoming wedding!
- Adrianna’s Revenge…worse than Montezuma’s Revenge: First of all, if looks could kill, Silver would have died because no one does a bitch-tastic face quite as evil as Ade (except maybe Brenda Walsh when she discovered Kelly and Dylan on a date). Neither girl was excited that the other came along for the spring break trip. But what I want to know is—why on earth is ANYONE still friends with Ade after the way she behaved this entire year during her rise and fall to “stardom.” Anyways, it is all-out war between Ade and Silver thanks to their love triangle with Navid. Silver ate some guacamole out of the When Harry Met Sally playbook by making rather enjoyable noises in her room for Ade to hear. Ade then had Mexican fountain water served to Silver (which I shall hereby call “Adrianna Springs”) and you can guess what that did to Silver’s stomach. Silver retaliated by replacing Ade’s sunscreen with moisturizer. Ade was so blood-red mad (and just plain red) that both girls ended up in the pool in a hard core cat fight. Navid was useless, but he finally admitted that he should have been honest with Ade a long time ago about his feelings for Silver. Just when we thought that the girls were ready to mend their friendship, we learned that perhaps Ade does have the skills to be a good actress. She is so convincing that she wants to make-up with Silver that it will be a long time before anyone realizes she is now tampering with Silver’s bipolar meds. Wow. That sinks to whole new levels of low…and crazy.
Were you “muy feliz” at the return of 90210? Which spring break storyline was your favorite? And did you secretly cheer on the cute little monkey biting Annie?