How do you top catching a rapist using Bing? You don’t. Tonight’s episode “Mommy Dearest” was not as good as last week’s “Undies” (good in this case meaning as amazingly crazy bad). However, we did get to see Silver pose as a skimpy ho to infiltrate Navid’s dad’s porn company, so that was some quality television for ya.
- Annie, Dixon and daddy’s new girlfriend: Annie and Dixon see their parents divorce papers and are shocked (Seriously guys? They have been living apart for months…and you really think you are ready to tackle college courses?). Anyways, they pay a visit to their dad and discover that he has a new girlfriend. I’ll give it to Annie and Dixon—this does suck. Strangely, mom Debbie seems to take the news relatively well. Turns out, though, she was just pretending she knew in order to keep up a strong appearance for her kids. She breaks down to Ryan…and based on next week’s preview, these two get hot n’ heavy pretty quickly (why is Ryan only capable of hooking up with family members of West Bev students? Is he trying to give Mr. Cannon a run for “most inappropriate teacher” title?). In the meantime, Debbie can rest assured that she is a hero to her daughter, as Annie’s painful my-so-called-life college essay explained. I wonder, though, if Annie will pull a Navid and request to re-write her hero essay next week when she sees mommy dearest hook up with teacher dearest? Maybe she should have ignored Charlie’s advice and stuck with Margaret Thatcher.
- Navid-Ade-Silver love triangle: Annie may have found a hero in her mother but Navid lost his—his father the porn king isn’t as decent a pornographer as one would expect (following along here?). Thanks to Silver going under-cover (and dressing up like a hooker from Pretty Woman circa 1990), she puts Shirazi Entertainment to the test to see if they would hire underage girls. Navid gets the tough truth and confronts Papa Porn. Ironically, Mr. Shiraz’s angry reaction may have been the most realistic parent-child moment in this show’s history. Let’s just say Navid and his dad are not on good terms right now. However, this escapade does continue to bring Navid and Silver even closer together, which has been building the past few episodes. Just as they almost kiss, it is time for Ade to walk the red carpet to her launch party with Joe Jonas (as requested by Uncle Victor). I am not even going to go into the details of how much is ridiculous about this launch party. I will just say that Ade shouldn’t have dropped out of high school because she still has much to learn. After re-declaring her love for Navid in front of the cameras, she builds the confidence to tell-off Victor. Her reasoning: well, since her one launch party is such a success (because five friends yelled out her name and took her photo) she thinks she can turn the tables on Victor because he needs her to be successful for his own monetary gain. Then, what does she say next? That she is reducing his commission from 80% to 5 %. That’s right Ade—really give him a monetary stake in your success with 5% commission! Because then it will really matter to him if you succeed!
- Jenn and baby Jacques: Apparently, Jenn is only just now beginning to realize she doesn’t exactly have a way with kids. She buys dry-clean only suits for her little one, takes the wrong baby at a trunk show for designer kiddie clothes and then the baby falls off the changing table. Granted, many women go through new mom growing pains, but the best part was Ryan trying to be convincing when he said she was a good mom (sorry, Mr. Matthews, but your acting skills are not that good). Anyways, after making peace with Naomi and spending some bonding time with her little son, she leaves a note for Ryan and skips town, saying baby Jacques will be better off without her as a mother. I never thought I would say this, but I am sad to see her go. I will miss exchanges such as the one the occurred between her and the other “Real Housewives of Beverly Beach Club” moms: “Are those leather pants your son is wearing? He looks hot!” (random mom)…”Thanks!” (Jenn)…”No, I mean excessively hot” (random mom).
- Naomi, Ivy and their “hos before bros” plan: Just when we think Naomi has fallen for Oscar’s, um, charms (charms being a vague word for unbuttoned shirts and greasy hair) we find out she can help a sistah out. Ivy tells her what Oscar did to her and Naomi plays along with Oscar’s flirting just so she can lure him naked into the beach club’s pool and then steal his clothing. And then let Ivy stand there and gloat for all to see Oscar’s teeny weenie. Payback is a bitch, Oscar…and very very immature. But I do love whenever Naomi imitates Ivy’s surfer girl voice.
In closing, I want to know if you rushed right over to your computer to pre-order Joe Jonas’ album on iTunes as Uncle Javier did? (wink wink CW fans!). What’s that? You didn’t?! Oh well, you can always go to your high school guidance counselor and tell her to do it for you…apparently they take care of everything these days, including mailing in your college applications!