Modern Family Recap – Tableau Vivant

Season 3, Episode 23
Tableau Vivant

I am not sure how to interpret tonight’s recreation of an American classic. On the one hand, the symbolic focus on Norman Rockwell’s Freedom from Want painting provided an amusing and appropriate backdrop. But on the other hand, I wasn’t as impressed with the jealousies and fights that led to the family’s dysfunctional living art gathering. It’s not that each fight didn’t have its moments, but for the most part I didn’t find myself laughing out loud as much as I should have.

You’re Fired
Phil faces the awkward situation of having to fire the free legal services of his brother-in-law. Apparently Mitchell has been doing some legal work for Phil’s real estate agency, but Phil and his partners have found some recent actions to be lazy. Unbeknownst to Phil, Mitch has been trying to get himself off he hook because he is too busy. The highlight of this storyline for me was actually the opening scene in the Dunphy household. Phil—who is no fan of confrontation—was up late stressing out about how to break the news to Mitch. But he wasn’t the only member of the family up all night. Luke was excited to get a medal for putting out a science lab fire (that he started) while Alex was stressed out over her living art project. You see, Alex doesn’t take well to teachers not liking her (she is my soul sister) and her hot art teacher barely remembers her name. Mama Claire was concerned for her various family members. And Hayley…well, she was sneaking into the house late and used her excellent lying skills to pull one over on dear old dad. The next day, Phil’s attempts to fire Mitch and Mitch’s attempts to quit didn’t go over very well, what with Phil’s stress blinking and Mitch getting caught in the office elevator. This set the stage for some brother-in-law tension.

Fiery Parenting Debate
It what may have been the strongest story of the night, Claire and Cameron had some great scenes in which these two over-bearing parents stubbornly clung to their own child-rearing theories. We don’t often get a Claire-Cam pairing, but the two play well off one another thanks to them both being high-strung. In this case, we saw what happened when two high-strung people clash over the latest parenting tips. Cam was actively trying not to use “no” with Lily but rather “redirect” behavior; Claire thought this was all a bunch of hooey. Things came quickly to a head when Cam got his hand stuck in the sink and Lily seemingly got very close to the garbage disposal switch. Claire took advantage of the “dangerous” moment to prove her point: sometimes you need to say “NO.” She gave Cam a good scare, but in reality the garbage disposal was a different switch.

Fired Up
Jay took Gloria to his favorite diner, which offers a Jay special sandwich served with a side of adoring waitress. Even though this waitress was not a temptation in the looks or age department, Gloria still expressed intense jealousy (not that she knew it was jealousy) because apparently Jay uses Maxine as a confidant. Maxine knew everything about Jay, even things Gloria didn’t know. This only led to a bigger fight when Jay told Gloria that perhaps she can be a bit loud sometimes, not all the time, “only” when she talks (my other soul sister)!

Fire-Fighting
In a very small sub-plot, Manny was angry that his cousin Luke was rewarded for putting out a fire in the science lab at school—because honorable Manny knew that Luke actually caused the fire himself.

Where there’s a fire…
With all these family tensions, fights and jealousies at play, the entire extended clan had to gather for Alex’s living art project that she desperately wanted to go well. But when this family—under these conditions—had to stay still and be quiet for a minute or two, the sneers, glares and under-the-breath comments could not be restrained. I really liked this episode payoff in theory–but much like the living art project itself, most of the family bickering felt so staged for me that the comedy felt a little forced.

Since this is Modern Family, the show ended on a sweet note when the various feuding parties arrived at Jay’s diner for a family dinner. It only took a few moments for everyone to calm down and create their own modern day version of Norman Rockwell’s family gathering. Oh, and Alex got a B- for her project, but at least “Mr. Gorgeous” learned her name!

90210 Recap – Forever Hold Your Peace

Season 4, Episode 24
Forever Hold Your Peace

There are many things I never thought I would see in 90210-land. For example, I didn’t think there would ever be a rally in front of a church, led by a priest dating Annie. Or, any of the characters on this show being able to recognize a Renoir sketch. But of all the things I never thought I would see, the fact that this “spin-off” has concluded its fourth season and will be entering its fifth pretty much blows my mind. Really think about that—next season this show will have made it on the air for half as long as the beloved original series, and this show isn’t even half as good as its namesake! That said, much like Liam’s movie that apparently is so bad it’s good, this show has found its guilty pleasure voice and knows how to bring characters back, take characters out, and end on some big cliffhangers! So allow me to review one last 90210 episode this season…

• Nerdily Ever After: Naomi is still blue about not being with the nerd she loves. Max’s impending marriage is even more difficult to swallow when Naomi must fill in for the bride at the rehearsal, which somehow also means she should practice the kiss part. But when Max refuses to admit that he still feels anything for her—even denying their “drunk” conversation the night before –Naomi decides to take a job offer in NYC from party planner Rachel. Just as Naomi is about to bolt town for good (without ANY luggage?) she runs into Austin at the private airport. Austin happens to mention that Max was not drunk the night of his bachelor party, which means the marriage doubts Max expressed to Naomi were sober. She cuts through traffic and drives all the way back to the wedding and bursts through the door to express her feelings. Aaaaand when silence and stunned faces greet her, she runs out. Apparently Silver and Ade can’t find their friend after “looking everywhere,” but Max seems to find her pretty easily. He tells her he stopped the wedding and that he loves her. They kiss and live…well, I guess we will see next season how happily ever after.
• Separation by Church and State: Annie and her quasi-Priest boyfriend Caleb are determined to help Diego and Ivy with his illegal immigration status. Caleb feels partly responsible because he was the one who reported Ivy to social services for her unstable mental health which, in turn, led to Diego breaking her out and having a run-in with the law. But Caleb mainly feels guilty that he has turned his back on his calling to be a priest, and this has made him feel less connected to god. Caleb’s internal struggle causes mixed emotions for Annie as well, since she loves him but doesn’t want him to change who he is for her. In the middle of all this, Annie, Caleb and Ivy organize the world’s most random “rally” at the church that involves posters of Diego and a taco truck. The purpose of this rally is to try to raise awareness of Diego’s case and get the senator’s attention. With a plan that good, who knew it would fail?! (oh, that’s right, everyone). But it’s the thought that counts! Diego decides he needs to man up, report himself, and face deportation to Mexico. As Ivy and Annie each struggle with losing their dudes—for very different reasons—Annie comes to the conclusion that she must end her relationship with Caleb for the best and Ivy decides to hop a plane to Mexico so that she can be with Diego. Te Quiero!
• Three Men and a Baby: OK, so there isn’t exactly a baby yet. But since her latest doctor’s appointment, Silver has vehemently decided that she wants to get pregnant sooner rather than later to ensure that she can have a child before preventative cancer treatments. But now the question is: who to bring on board as daddy? Silver is caught between two guys who care for her. At first she goes for Navid, but he gets the wrong impression that she wants to rekindle their romantic relationship. When he tries to “bring sexy back” with candles, Silver is more concerned with IVF pamphlets (wow, do people really read printed pamphlets these days?). Silver’s conversation with Liam is also awkward, and now she is really torn. Despite liking or maybe even loving both guys, Silver is looking for a stable force. She wants a friend she can always count on to be in her life to be the father of her child. And that guy is: TEDDY. Yes, Teddy returned at the end to listen to Silver’s proposition. Does he still live in DC? Is he still with his boyfriend? I guess we will find out next season.
• Singing the blues: Ade is happy to have Austin as her country artist manager again, and he even gets her a gig opening for his dad in Vegas. I still don’t understand how her performance at a bachelorette could possibly lead to a psycho girl in the bar having a t-shirt with Ade’s song lyrics, “I don’t want him anymore,” but apparently Ade is a viral hit. Even though Austin wants Adrianna to focus on her career with him and move on from Dixon, he eventually convinces her that she should at least listen to Dixon’s voice messages from the road. Dixon had called to tell her that he truly misses her and wants them to be together—and that he is catching a ride to head home. Inconsistent Ade is ready to bail on yet another performance with Austin’s dad so that she can meet Dixon at their romantic spot. But after waiting for a bit, he doesn’t show and she heads off to Vegas. We then cut to Dixon calling Navid to explain that he had car trouble and can’t get a hold of Ade. He wants Navid to reassure Ade that he loves her and he is on his way…and then BAM. Dixon’s car is hit by a big rig truck. It does not look good folks. The accident is BAD. They could always pull a Glee and miraculously have Dixon not only survive but walk again (we’re looking at you, Quinn) but this could be the show’s way of writing off a main character for good. I get the impression that the show can only handle a certain quota of male stars at any one time. The dudes seem to rotate being M.I.A…first Teddy was gone, then Austin was gone, then Navid was gone, and finally Dixon was gone. Now that Teddy is back, perhaps Dixon will be gone for good if Teddy sticks around?

What did you think of this 9021-oh-no cliffhanger? I, for one, didn’t see it coming (well, not until I saw the truck). Dixon has been gone “on tour” for so many weeks, so I was not expecting the show to finally bring him back for a few minutes just to crash him in a horrific wreck. And so we are kept in limbo until the next TV season!

How I Met Your Mother Recap – The Magician’s Code

Season 7, Episodes 23 & 24
The Magician’s Code Parts 1 & 2

Unlike the soft two that was in baby Eriksen’s diaper, this two-part finale was…wait for it…a 10! I am giving it a 10 not because it was the most consistent of episodes from start to finish (it had its #2 moments), but because this episode really delivered in big ways. The entire season had been building to two very specific moments, and not only did we get pay off in the form of baby Eriksen and Barney’s bride, but we also got a major romantic twist in the ever-evolving life of our protagonist Ted.

Wait for It…
Welcome to the world baby Marvin Waitforit Eriksen! Coolest middle name ever. On the one hand, I really feel for this kid, who is going to struggle with a middle-aged man’s first name and an absurd Barney catchphrase as a middle name. But on the other hand, the first name is in honor of Marshall’s late father and the middle name is…legendary.

But let’s back track to the birth of little Marvin Waitforit. Lily had gone into labor in the previous episode, while Barney and Marshall were schwasted and talking like Yoda in Atlantic City. Ted and Robin arrive at the apartment ready for the task of keeping Lily calm, if calm includes preparing to birth a horse and emailing a “Lily is in Labor” video starring best friend Ted. While Lily must wait until her contractions are four minutes apart, she makes Robin and Ted tell her stories—any stories—to pass the time. The best story by far was “where does that door go?” This random little tale showed a time when the gang discovered a random door in the bar and each walked into it…one by one…until finally Marshall did: and they all yelled BOO! But the real winner in the “get Lily ready for birthing” hilarity is Dr. Robin. Yes, apparently Robin has birthed 12 babies, and one was even human (which we all witnessed several seasons ago in the hilarious The Front Porch episode). But she is truly an expert in horse births—and she has the gloves, brush, goggles, sugar cubes and salt licks to prove it.

Meanwhile, a drunk Marshall and Barney struggle to find a way out of Atlantic City given that they can’t drive and taxis are near impossible what with the “big thing” happening that night. The highlight of the casino scenes was definitely drunken Marshall battling two terrible demons: the steps and the ATM machine. Definitely re-watch Marshall attempting to walk up two steps in the casino. In the words of Ted, “that guy’s a DAD?!” Barney eventually nabs a ride for himself and Marshall on a bus with seniors…senior citizens. When they realize that the bus is actually headed to Buffalo instead of Manhattan, they plea with the driver to make a pit stop—but he won’t stop unless there is a medical emergency. That’s when the nice elderly population of the bus has their own “Oh Captain, My Captain” moment and each stand, one by one, to say that they each have a medical emergency. And that’s how Marshall makes it to the hospital in time!

At the hospital Robin has already fainted—this isn’t a horse birth—and Lily has already kicked her father out of the room. But that gives Ted and Robin a chance to have their conversation about repairing their friendship. And as her first act as Ted’s bestie again, she calls him out on some of his crap. If he really wanted a wife and family, he would stop chasing after the wrong girls (Robin, Stella, Zooey and her hats!) and go after the right ones. They both agree that Victoria had the potential to be “the one.” But herein lies the flaw of Robin’s logic: last we saw Victoria, she was practically engaged! So how does this make her less of a self-sabotage pick than Stella or Zooey? But this conversation will have to wait, because Barney comes bearing good news from down the hall—the vending machine gave him two packets of gummie bears! Oh, and Marshall announces he is a father! And yes, the middle name was proposed by Barney while they were drunk in Atlantic City.

Drive off into the Sunset
As Marshall and Lily adjust to being parents, Ted must adjust to no longer being the ‘single child’ to his surrogate parent-pals. From now on, he can only come to Marshall and Lily with problems that register at least an 8 out of 10. It doesn’t take Ted, or Barney for that matter, too long to each register some major 10 out of 10 life moments. And Robin? She’s there to capture little Marvin’s first precious moments… sleeping, crying, spitting up on Lily…and taking tequila shots with his parents in the bar.

Barney had casually mentioned “ruining things” with Quinn throughout the first episode, and we finally learn that they got into a huge fight over her being a stripper. And that’s when Barney bolted to AC with Marshall. Now Barney is afraid that Quinn may have moved out while he was gone. So he was delightfully relieved to find out that she didn’t bail on their relationship; instead she re-decorated their apartment in the ultimate form of punishment: the inside of Tinkerbell’s vagina, also known as Hello Kitty wonderland. The two make up and head to the airport for their trip to Hawaii, mentioned a few weeks back when the gang first hung out with Quinn. Of course the trip through the security line doesn’t go very well when Barney refuses to open a secretive box per his magician’s code. After many antics with the security guards, he finally agrees to do the magic trick for them all, and what a spectacle it is! Not surprisingly, an engagement ring is the grand finale of said magic, and Barney proposes to Quinn! They rush back to the city to tell the good news to the gang…well, the gang minus Ted!

Ted is busy with an engagement of a different sort. He takes Robin’s odd advice to reconnect with ‘the one that got away,’ and Victoria eagerly agrees to meet Ted imminently at MacLaren’s. Ted begins to wonder how he can hint at her engagement status, but then Victoria walks in wearing a wedding dress in a moment reminiscent of the first episode of Friends. Well, that clears that up. But you cannot deny that these two have incredible chemistry, even after all these years. I have really enjoyed having Victoria appear this season after being gone since season one—this show knows how to deliver big payoffs over the course of years and years. It’s true that Ted and Victoria would make a great couple, but life took its turns. Victoria contemplates ditching her fiancé and riding off into the sunset with Ted, and Ted so longs for that happy ending. But once in the car, he can’t bring himself to leave a groom standing at the altar, brokenhearted–hey, he’s been there! He gives some wonderful and mature advice to Victoria, who is genuinely appreciative. But then he drives past the church…and keeps driving…and the two hold hands into the sunset.

I am not going to lie—there are a lot of people out there who would be pretty happy if Ted did end up with Victoria and she is crowned “the mother” (myself included!). But clearly every clue we have ever been given does not point to this happily ever after for Ted and Victoria. One of those clues is that Ted meets her at Barney’s wedding. And, speaking of which, at that wedding the bride is: ROBIN!

So folks—we end another HIMYM season with some big moments and big cliffhangers. Once again, they deliver on some key promises from the season, but leave us with new questions. How does Barney’s engagement to Quinn end and how do he and Robin get back together? What did Future Ted mean when he said it was a wedding day “gone wrong?” How does Ted ultimately leave things with Victoria? And…do you think Marshall and Lily hyphenated the middle name Wait-For-It?

What were your favorite moments from tonight’s big finale delivery of babies and brides? Are you ready for the mother of all reveals hopefully sometime next season? Or are you simply enjoying the ride into the sunset?

Modern Family Recap – Disneyland

Season 3, Episode 22
Disneyland 

It’s time for another Modern Family outing, and this time it is to the happiest place on earth! As long as “happy” includes a painful child leash, painful shoes and a painful reaction to rides! But hey, if any family makes painful funny, it is this modern family. Hi Ho, Hi Ho…it’s off to Disneyland we go!

“Downton” Disney
Mitch and Cam get to bring Lily to Disneyland for the first time and make some magical memories. The only slight problem is that Lily has entered her “runner” phase—which basically means she runs off at any chance she gets. Cam is insistent she wear a “child safety tether” that pretends it’s a back-pack but really it’s a child leash. Mitch is very self-conscious at the judgmental looks they receive, and I don’t blame him. The only other time he gets these kinds of stares is when he forgets to bring his own reusable bags to Whole Foods. It is Jay who finally finds a solution to the problem: buy Lily some pretty princess heels and the kid can barely walk let alone run off into the crowd!

Favorite moments:

• Seeing Lily’s leash get tangled with two twin boys’ leashes…they pretty much looked like hyper puppies.
• Cam saying “Toonton” rather than Toontown and Mitch falling into the PBS trap by saying “Downton Disney.” They would definitely be fans of Downton Abbey. Not gunna lie, this was my biggest laugh-out-loud moment of the night, probably because I really miss that show right now!

It’s a Small World After All
The Dunphy parents have some very specific goals in mind for this family day-trip to Disneyland. But first things first: eat a hearty breakfast at home because it may be the happiest place on earth, but it is also home to the most expensive churro on earth. Claire not-so-subtly tries to play matchmaker between her friend’s ‘nice college boy’ son, Ethan, and her needs-a-good influence daughter, Hayley. So she invites Ethan to join this Disney excursion in hopes that Hayley will hit it off with a stable, mature young man. While her plan actually starts to work—it doesn’t hurt that Ethan looks like he is from “Tommy Hilfiger catalog” (according to Cam)—she doesn’t count on Alex actually liking this older boy. Kudos to Alex for flirting with nerdy musical jokes, and actually getting some flirting in return! Ethan + Alex = Music to My Ears! Claire also doesn’t count on them running into Hayley’s ex-boyfriend at Disneyland either. Hayley goes from liking Ethan to tracking down former-flame Dylan after they spot him at the entrance. Turns out Dylan is back from Wyoming and working at Disney, but didn’t want to tell Hayley until he was firmly “established.” What a small world after all! I for one have missed Dylan, but the rest of the family doesn’t share that sentiment when Hayley announces they are back together.

Meanwhile, poor Phil just wants to be the fun-loving dad to his fun-loving son. Phil has been waiting since Luke was in his mother’s womb for his son to be tall enough for all the cool rides. Now that Luke finally is, Phil starts to realize (and drastically feel) that his middle age may betray him on the rides. The motion sickness becomes practically unbearable, but Phil can’t bear the thought of bailing on adventures with Luke. He attempts to trudge on before having a heart-to-heart with Luke after a particularly nauseating ride on Thunder Mountain. Phil and Luke have got to be the best father-son duo on TV. They are each other’s partners in crime, and Luke promises to always be that way, even if it means pushing Phil’s wheel chair in his old age and popping some wheelies. Fortunately, old age may not be as soon as Phil thinks—it is quite possible he simply has the flu, like everyone else in his office who drinks from the same juice carton!

Favorite Moments:

• “This is gunna be so awesome! …In 45 minutes this is going to be so awesome” – Phil could hardly contain his excitement, until later when he could barely contain his stomach. His facial expressions on the rides were pure Disney magic.
• The entire boy rivalry between sisters Hayley and Alex, and Hayley’s ultimate confrontation with ex-boyfriend Dylan in a bear character costume. Seriously, is that bear actually from a movie? Dylan didn’t know either!

The Perfect Fit
Over on the Pritchett-Delgado side of the family, Jay plays the role of Prince Charming by finding the magical slipper that fits. Gloria foolishly refuses to wear sensible shoes for a day of walking the park and her attitude begins to reflect the pain. Jay can no longer take it, so he buys corny foam “slippers” for his Stiletto Beauty. It’s a perfect fit and Gloria is immediately transformed into a smiling and happy woman. The only thing that would make the day better would be if she could convince Manny to take a break from brokering trades for a school project to enjoy life and be a kid. Winnie the Pooh doesn’t deserve the cold shoulder, Manny!

Favorite Moments:

• “Know how many bars I had? Zip-a-dee-doo-dah.” –Manny just can’t stop commanding his school project from his cell phone, even on Splash Mountain.
• Jay cleverly realizing that a different kind of shoe can solve the problems of Gloria’s painful feet AND Lily’s fast-moving feet.

What did you think of Modern Family’s Disney adventures? Were you happy to see Dylan’s return? And how about the narrative structure that had Jay telling the audience about taking Claire and Mitchell to Disneyland as young kids, and that experience influencing him to stick out his first marriage until his kids were grown?

90210 Recap – A Tale of Two Parties

Season 4, Episode 23
A Tale of Two Parties

Last week there was so much soapy drama that this week’s episode, “A Tale of Two Parties,” mainly dealt with the fall-out. The action didn’t really pick up until the end, when the respective bachelor and bachelorette parties ended in well-coordinated arrests courtesy of ridiculous set-ups and clueless cops. On that note, let’s grab some spiked lemonade and high-class call-girls and jump into this penultimate episode of season four.

• Quit Playing Games with My Heart: Naomi is trying her hardest to act cool about planning her former love’s wedding, but she can’t escape the feelings she still harbors for Max. I mean, three weeks ago she was madly in love with P.J. and heartbroken calling off that engagement, but now that Madison’s fiancé is Max, she apparently has always loved him. I will say that of all her guys over the years, she definitely had the most sincere and sweet relationship with nerdy Max, so I will let her wishy-washy emotions slide this time. When Madison’s maid of honor gets shingles at the last second (Shingles?! Who randomly gets that today?!), Naomi must step in to play hostess at the bachelorette party. She decides to use the opportunity to her advantage and try to catch goody-goody Madison in a compromising position so that she can throw her under the bus. This proves more difficult than she anticipated since Madison really IS a goody-goody: her bachelorette party is at an aquarium with no alcohol. But Naomi remedies that by spiking the punch and arranging for Madison’s old-school crush Nick Carter to show up. [I am skipping the part where Ade sings at the party for obvious reasons—it was Ade, singing]. Naomi hopes that a drunken Madison will cheat on Max with her Backstreet Boy idol, but even Nick Carter can’t stand how obnoxious Madison is. The truly amusing part of the evening doesn’t happen until our intoxicated bride decides that she needs to “free the fishies” of the aquarium and breaks the ridiculously thin glass of a tank. The police happen to sense this incident and are right there to arrest her. Naomi begins to feel ashamed of her efforts to ruin Madison and even tells Max that he is marrying a good girl, but she also desperately wants to tell him how she still loves him. Since they are interrupted by Madison, stay tuned for the cliché “I still love you” moment at the wedding altar next week.
• Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Whatcha Gunna Do When They Come for You: Max has become a true financial success in the software marketing world, but apparently that means he is lacking in the friends department. Hence, he finds it appropriate to invite all the random guys he vaguely knew in high school plus their new friends to his bachelor party. He also convinces Liam to have it at Offshore, yet pays tons of money to completely redecorate it for just the one night. He also puts the recently returned Austin in charge of entertainment—thinking that means a band—but Austin has other plans that involve an “escort service.” Perhaps Naomi should reconsider getting back together with Austin instead, since he thinks the most like her. Austin uses the bachelor party as an opportunity to take down Bree—the leader of the prostitution ring in which Annie was involved. As you may or may not recall (since it was so long ago and Austin disappeared for a while), Austin took the fall for the sorority house fire that Bree herself actually caused. He did it to protect Annie from being exposed as part of Bree’s “escort” service, which she was supposedly only doing out of the kindness of her heart—to make money for her brother Dixon’s outrageously expensive rehab mansion. Follow all that? Anyways, Austin is sick of taking the heat for a fire he didn’t cause and because it negatively impacts his “job prospects” (haha, like these kids care about jobs). Austin’s stellar plan is to lure Bree into having sex for money and then have the cops arrive thanks to an “anonymous tip.” Hmm did he realize that this plan also gets him arrested too? Bree doesn’t go down without a fight and yells to the cops that all the dudes at the party are underage! Ha, did the cops really not realize that themselves? Heck, Liam owns the bar! Max uses his money to get all the guys out on bail and Austin is able to strike a deal with Bree: she rightly fesses to the house fire and he tells the cops the prostitution thing is all a mistake. This means that Austin’s name is now cleared, he can be Ade’s manager, AND Annie’s past as a prostitute can stay under the radar again.
• A Priest Walks Into a Bar… My how the mighty (holy) fall. No sooner does Caleb abandon his calling to be a priest by sleeping with Annie then he immediately regrets it upon learning her past as a prostitute and spends this episode getting super drunk at Offshore during Max’s bachelor party. Annie looks for her priest in all the usual places—first the seminary, then…the bar. He is not ready to listen to her. She finally tracks him down at the church upon his release from the great Bachelor Party Round-Up of 2012 and tells him that she has forgiven herself for being a prostitute to “save” her brother (gee, that is big of yourself) and now he needs to forgive himself for…I am not really sure what? Leaving the seminary? Having sex? Drinking? Liking Annie for some crazy reason?
• If the Boat’s a Rockin’, Don’t Come a Knockin’: Especially because an illegal immigrant is currently hiding out in Naomi’s yacht so that he is not deported back to Mexico. Yes, it seems Annie feels so bad for messing things up between Ivy and Diego that she arranges for him to crash on Naomi’s boat. Ivy reunites with him and apparently she is suddenly over Raj: she says she loves Diego and sleeps with him. But now they don’t know what to do because Diego busted her out of the mental institution and is in risk of being sent back to Mexico if he is caught. The two come up with a plan—he should seek sanctuary in…a sanctuary! I guess if he lives at Caleb’s former church the police can’t touch him? I am no expert at immigration law so we will just have to go with what the writers are feeding us for the sake of this rushed story line. In related news, I never thought I would see a church or seminary appear on 90210 more than the college they are all supposed to be attending.
• Baby Talk: Silver talks with her doctor about the options and decisions facing her now that she knows she has the breast cancer gene. The doctor basically tells the 20-year old Silver that if she wants babies she should hop to it because her chances down the road may not be so great. Apparently Silver had been freaked out by the notion when she thought she was pregnant last week, but now this week she truly wants to experience motherhood. There’s no time to waste! The ‘only’ problem is that the two men in her life are behaving like babies themselves. Liam and Navid continue to fight and act like children over who should “win” Silver. She finally has enough of their behavior when she arrives in their Bachelor Blow-Out jail cell. She bluntly tells them that what she really wants is a baby—so which of them is man enough to deal with that? [Crickets] Bueller? Bueller? Both guys are silent.

So, that brings us to next week’s big finale and I am sure some new plot twists and cliffhangers. Will Silver pick a guy, or will she take a lesson from big sister Kelly of the original Beverly Hills 90210 and choose herself over Brandon Navid and Dylan Liam vying for her love? Will Naomi break up “speakeasy Max” and “fish hatchery Madison”? And will Dixon reappear or ever be mentioned again?

Modern Family Recap – Planes, Trains and Cars

Season 3, Episode 21
Planes, Trains and Cars

The modern family units each had their own difficulties with modes of transportation on tonight’s new episode, but for us they were rather amusing outings. Even though the individual families didn’t connect with one another, each story held its own with planes, trains and automobiles.

Planes
Jay is excited to whisk his wife and stepson away for the weekend to Pebble Beach for a reunion with his old buddies. Gloria thinks Jay wants to relive his glory days, but secretly he wants to show off his current Gloria. And Manny? He just wants a really good massage. When they arrive at the airport, Gloria realizes that Jay wants them to fly on a teeny tiny private plane. I don’t blame her one bit for not wanting to fly on one of those, where the “rubber band might break any minute.” Jay reluctantly agrees that they can drive, but only if they can play “American music” the entire way. Unfortunately, their car breaks down in the middle of no where, and the creepy mechanic only seems to have eyes for Gloria. He does happen to have a self-restored helicopter, but of course something that makes a “ticka ticka ticka” sound isn’t going to fly with Gloria (pun intended). That leaves them no choice but to check into the Bates Motel. Literally. No seriously—it is the same hotel on the Universal back-lot that was used for Psycho. Despite Manny thoroughly enjoying the vibrating bed, Gloria realizes how important this weekend is to Jay and wants to be the trophy wife he can show off. To the helicopter they go!

Trains
Mitchell and Cameron take Lily where few Angelinos dare to go: the metro. They want to expose her to new experiences and take her to Chinatown. Lily’s favorite stuffed animal, Bunny, even comes along for the ride, but unfortunately gets separated on the train when Mitchell pauses for a Purell break (good call). Side note: in reality, this could not have happened since the North Hollywood stop is the end of the red line, so the train would have stayed there. But in Modern Family reality, poor Lily is distraught to lose her bestest Bunny. I feel her pain—once on a family trip I lost my blankie and was inconsolable. We retraced every step and eventually found it on the ground, thankfully. Lily is not so lucky, but her dads do everything in their power to find it. The best (funniest) attempt was Cam making a MISSING poster featuring Lily with her bunny, which basically looked like a $25 reward for finding their daughter. When they return to the metro station to hang fliers, they actually spot Bunny with a sleeping homeless man. Despite efforts to awkwardly retrieve it, Bunny is given up for good when it is used as a tissue.

Automobiles
Phil is in the market for a new car and brings along his neighborhood tree house buddy, Andre. He sees a Porsche and immediately wants to “take her top down and see what she can do” (the car, not the woman who walks up just then). When Phil brings the sports car home, he gets varied reactions from the family. Hayley thinks it is hers and squeals. Alex is concerned because her friend’s dad got a sports car and now he dates a girl who works at Forever 21 but who is still shy of the age 21. And Claire…well, a calm and quiet Claire is not a good sign—and Phil knows it. Fearful that Claire is majorly pissed off, Phil tries to tread lightly. But when he has all sorts of problems going about his daily real estate activities in a tiny two-seater, Claire agrees to swap cars for the day. Phil runs errands and does carpool with the kids, and in the process he learns that he likes spending those moments with his kids. Meanwhile, Claire gives in to her wild, crazy and unpredictable side and decides to cut loose with a drive to the beach—with her sunscreen of course. She and Phil later agree that they need a more sensible car, but they also need to have more fun.

Which was your favorite mode of transportation tonight?

90210 Recap – Tis Pity

Season 4, Episode 22
‘Tis Pity

Lots of soap-opera drama on tonight’s new 90210 called “’Tis Pity.” Seriously, in one hour we were treated to a movie premiere, a pregnancy scare, a physical fight, a mental institution, an arrest, a country performance, a sex scene with a wannabe priest, and the return of an ex-boyfriend. No wonder these kids are not seen at CU anymore—who has the time for school!?

• Can’t Buy Me Love: Naomi is still reeling over ending her engagement with PJ due to the fact that he loved his inheritance more than her. It’s hard to feel anything for this storyline since she had only started dating PJ a few weeks prior, but because this is 90210, Naomi faces one reminder after another of her lost love. She gets a gig planning the wedding of a wealthy heiress named Madison, who is super happy with “a great guy.” Despite the fact that Madison looks all of 15 years old, she and Naomi hit it off and Naomi works wonders planning this girl’s dream wedding—mostly because she uses wedding ideas from her own failed nuptials. Naomi finally reaches her breaking point when Madison innocently shows her a newspaper clipping of a recent wedding…and the groom is none other than PJ! Naomi is astonished and angry that her fiancé of last week is already married this week. Meanwhile, I was astonished that a young girl like Madison even knew what a newspaper was and actually clipped an article! What, she doesn’t read her news on Facebook?! Anyways, Naomi gets a little nutty sipping wine in her wedding dress (in a pool) and railing on love to anyone who will listen. Until she realizes that true love does exist—it was only PJ who was the bad apple. She arrives at Madison’s mansion to apologize and get back to planning. Just then Madison’s fiancé arrives and it is none other than…Max! Nerdy Max was the one good guy who truly loved Naomi. And now she is planning his wedding to Madison.
• Love is the Pits: Annie is still hot for priest-hopeful Caleb, but the two are trying to keep things PG as he thinks about what he really wants. Obviously if he and Annie continue their relationship, then priesthood can’t exactly be his future career path. Fortunately for us, this lovesick duo provided the funniest (read: lamest) metaphor from a scripted show in recent memory. As they were on a platonic date to the La Brea Tar Pits, they looked longingly at the mammoths and discussed how the ancient beasts wanted that liquid so badly they didn’t care about the consequences. In case you cannot follow this oh-so-subtle poetic declaration of forbidden desire, Annie and Caleb want each other badly and do not care about the consequences. A nun (in full habit no less) interrupts their lustful moment, but don’t worry—they get it on later when Caleb stops by the house. He and Annie sleep together and he tells her that he will never regret this decision to pick her over his lifelong dream. Mere moments later, Caleb overhears a conversation that may make him eat his words.
• Achy Breaky Ade: Adrianna moves forward with Austin as her manager in the country music world. His first act? Convince his famous country singer father, Judd Ridge (i.e. Billy Ray Cyrus) to have Ade perform in his show. I didn’t quite follow if Ade and Austin actually went to Nashville for the world’s quickest visit, but it doesn’t matter. Ade panicked about her performance and then got pissed off at Austin when he made it seem like he only cared about the impression he makes on his dad and not Ade’s actual career. So obviously Ade bails on the performance like the true professional that she is and sulks off declaring Austin to be a bad person. She even throws fuel on the fire by telling him that he is a horrible person for framing Dixon for that sorority house fire a while back, not knowing that Austin actually covered the dubious behaviors of Dixon and Annie last semester. This leads Austin to march over to Annie’s pad and demand she tell Ade the truth about what really happened with the fire and the prostitution ring. This is all Caleb needs to overhear: the girl he just slept with rather than become a priest was a prostitute for a while.
• Lights, Camera, Fight! Silver is still determined to make a relationship with Navid work out, for reasons I still can’t quite grasp. He was gone and she moved on. She likes Liam and he likes her. I am not getting what Silver’s problem is. Anyways, Navid is now Silver’s doting boyfriend and support system again, so he goes with Silver to her first mammogram after learning she has the breast cancer gene. At this appointment, Silver realizes she may be pregnant while Navid blabbers on like an idiot to the nurse. Since Navid knows this possible baby could not be his, he wisely names himself “most likely to raise a stranger’s baby” considering his track record with Ade back in high school and now this situation. Navid also lets the possibility slip to Liam, since they are bros and Navid has no clue Liam is the potential baby-daddy. Of course the confusion and emotions spiral out of control very quickly at Liam’s movie premiere. With cameras flashing, the boys come to blows when Navid puts two and two together. Even though Silver learns she is not in fact pregnant, the cat is out of the bag on this love-triangle.
• Make a Run for It: Ivy is still in a mental institution ever since Caleb reported her to social services for being a danger to herself. Maybe he should get Annie sent away next week and do us all a public service? Ivy is not happy about being there, but mainly she is still angry about Raj’s death. She can’t bring herself to talk to anyone—not even her friends—because they can’t possibly understand what she is feeling. That’s when street artist Diego pops up again looking for his surfer gal. He springs her from the facility and gets her to open up by painting wall art about Rag to release her feelings. It helps her, but their actions end up hurting him! Some cops happen to come by the alley and Diego quietly tells Ivy that he is an illegal immigrant. Busting Ivy out of the institution is considered a felony—and Diego could be deported. And so, with that, he makes a run for it!

What was your favorite part of the drama tonight? Are you happy to see Max back? Are you happy to see Diego gone? And will Dixon ever return from his tour?